Merlin has returned to our screens, and to our hearts. Colin Tadzio Morgan reprises his role as the young wizard for a second series, and was back on form as the dopey and adorable young wizard. But will my predictions for the second series (deeply homoerotic and fiercly bitchy) come true?

Well, the plot didn't really make any sense, featuring the return of a dark wizard through a precious object which contained his soul, and who used ravens and living statues to terrorise Camelot. It was completely derivative, and the debts to Voldemort and his Horcrux, and to the Raven King in Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell should be all too obvious. So no change there.

As for delectable sexuality, the show is still quite the tease. I was convinced that the opening scene - with Arthur slinking topless out of bed, calling Merlin from wherever he lingers while the Prince sleeps - was going to set the tone. And by 'set the tone' I mean 'growwwwl'.

But clearly the BBC is more interested in the concerns of teenage girls rather than the people who actually pay the licence fee and want to see a bit of tea-time cock. Arthur just flashed his hairless boobs and gave some boring order - I'll come to orders in a second - and Merlin ran away, sweetly wide-eyed and obedient.

I do love their whole relationship tho'. It's somewhat reminiscent of the Allen Ginsberg poem 'Please Master' which begins

Please master can I touch your cheeck
please master can I kneel at your feet
please master can I loosen your blue pants
please master can I gaze at your golden haired belly
please master can I have your thighs bare to my eyes
please master can I take off my clothes below your chair
please master can I can I kiss your ankles and soul
please master can I touch lips to your hard muscle hairless thigh
please master can I lay my ear pressed to your stomach
please master can I wrap my arms around your white ass
please master can I lick your groin gurled with blond soft fur
please master can I touch my tongue to your rosy asshole
please master may I pass my face to your balls,
please master order me down on the floor,

And goes on from there. I don't expect much from you, Merlin, in the way of dialogue, characteristion, profundity, mediaevalism or generally making sense, but I do expect to get some slash out of it.

And yet when I watched the teaser for the rest of the series, I wanted to scream.
Merlin's beard! Quite literally!